I had almost forgotten about this blog of mine...the last post I made on it was in 2008! Goodness gracious, its been 3 years since I wrote here. Yes, I had created a cooking blog but altogether I have just been MIA from the blogging world. It started to seem kind of pointless, writing out opinions, thoughts, observations into a void. What exactly was I getting out of it? Well, I guess it could be just getting the words out of my head. I started writing the blog to keep friends posted while I was traveling, but friends have busy lives. They don't have the time to stop and read a blog to find out what you are up to, heck, they hardly have the time (or inclination) to even type a hello in an email! I am totally guilty of that as well. But, I do digress. Why did I stop writing a blog? Or writing at all? Was it because I just lost interest? Possibly. I do have a history of holding onto interests for too short a period! So, what has happened in the last three years? Today is the 1st day of the Bengali New Year, the year 1418. It only seems appropriate to mark the occasion with a new beginning.
New beginning...
There has been quite a few 'new beginnings' in the past 3 years. Many ups and downs, few more downs then ups but the ups were big enough to make-up for the higher quantity of downs. In short, my marriage ended, my trust in people and relationhips faded, I had to re-think, re-organize my entire life and start from scratch with zero savings. It reads a lot harsher than it was or maybe in retrospect, I have been able to look back without the heaviness. It was a dark period but, I was determined not to drown in it. I was determined to find myself again and be true to who I was. To never again fail to lisen to my heart, instinct, inner voice or spirit guides. I had to learn to look at myself in the mirror again without feeling like I was looking at a stranger. It was a lot of kicking and screaming but am much stronger...perhaps a bit bruised and jaded...having been through it.
Having been through the most negative and dark time of my life, there is a positive side. I managed to leave a bad marriage before I was lost completely, found out how to distinguish between friends that belong in the inner most circle of my life and friends who remain on the outer 'responsibility free' zone, found my voice and finally learned to be selfish - in a good way. From a young age, when I learned what regret meant, I had decided that I would live a life free from regret, that on my death bed, I would exhale my last breath being happy to have lived a full life. Up until about 3 years ago, I abided by it strictly, making no excuses but also accepting mistakes, learning from them and trying my hardest not to repeat them. Life is a learning experience and you are not truly living if you don't take risks and get a few screapes and burns along the way. But it has been difficult, the fact that my marriage did not work was difficult to accept, the failing. Only now am I able to go past it, forgive, accept and continue to have love...trust is still a tough one...for myself and for others.
But there is a happy ending around the corner for this story! It is 2011, and I am renewed, refreshed and recognizable! I am at a place where I am happy, I have found love, I have found myself. Am I still a New Yorker? I like to think so, I belive I have the heart and preservering spirit that new yokers are known for. Am I still Lost in the Third World? Well, I still do feel like a foreigner most of the time in my birth city, despite having lived here for so long. Am I still a Bohemian? Hmmm....I am no longer a wanderer or lead a gypsy like lifestyle, but I belive I will always live a life that is slightly off kilter from the conventional, as it happens, when one lives with passion and heart, one cannot be bound by conventional rules and practices!
So, here I exhale...I feel free...ready for more new beginnings!
New beginning...
There has been quite a few 'new beginnings' in the past 3 years. Many ups and downs, few more downs then ups but the ups were big enough to make-up for the higher quantity of downs. In short, my marriage ended, my trust in people and relationhips faded, I had to re-think, re-organize my entire life and start from scratch with zero savings. It reads a lot harsher than it was or maybe in retrospect, I have been able to look back without the heaviness. It was a dark period but, I was determined not to drown in it. I was determined to find myself again and be true to who I was. To never again fail to lisen to my heart, instinct, inner voice or spirit guides. I had to learn to look at myself in the mirror again without feeling like I was looking at a stranger. It was a lot of kicking and screaming but am much stronger...perhaps a bit bruised and jaded...having been through it.
Having been through the most negative and dark time of my life, there is a positive side. I managed to leave a bad marriage before I was lost completely, found out how to distinguish between friends that belong in the inner most circle of my life and friends who remain on the outer 'responsibility free' zone, found my voice and finally learned to be selfish - in a good way. From a young age, when I learned what regret meant, I had decided that I would live a life free from regret, that on my death bed, I would exhale my last breath being happy to have lived a full life. Up until about 3 years ago, I abided by it strictly, making no excuses but also accepting mistakes, learning from them and trying my hardest not to repeat them. Life is a learning experience and you are not truly living if you don't take risks and get a few screapes and burns along the way. But it has been difficult, the fact that my marriage did not work was difficult to accept, the failing. Only now am I able to go past it, forgive, accept and continue to have love...trust is still a tough one...for myself and for others.
But there is a happy ending around the corner for this story! It is 2011, and I am renewed, refreshed and recognizable! I am at a place where I am happy, I have found love, I have found myself. Am I still a New Yorker? I like to think so, I belive I have the heart and preservering spirit that new yokers are known for. Am I still Lost in the Third World? Well, I still do feel like a foreigner most of the time in my birth city, despite having lived here for so long. Am I still a Bohemian? Hmmm....I am no longer a wanderer or lead a gypsy like lifestyle, but I belive I will always live a life that is slightly off kilter from the conventional, as it happens, when one lives with passion and heart, one cannot be bound by conventional rules and practices!
So, here I exhale...I feel free...ready for more new beginnings!
